The Power of Looking for the Good - Part One

This is the first installment of a three-part series about the transformational power of one simple shift in perspective. It's inspired by something I realized early in my career as a teacher—one small change that didn't just transform my classroom but gradually changed the way I moved through the world.

If you've ever found yourself focusing on what's going wrong, replaying difficult moments, or wondering why the negative seems to stand out more than the good, you're not alone.

What if a simple shift in what you look for could change not only how you see others, but how you experience your own life? 

The Search

When I was teaching middle school and later high school, I had a tradition that surprised both my students and their parents. Within the first three weeks of every semester, I called the parent or guardian of every student in my classes. Not because there was a problem or because they had earned an award. I called just to tell them I enjoyed having their child in my classroom.

During each conversation, I shared one specific thing I appreciated about their child. Maybe they walked into class every day with a smile. Maybe they quietly helped classmates without being asked. Maybe they asked thoughtful questions or had a quick sense of humor that made the room a little lighter.

Some students made that phone call easy. Others made me work for it. But always, I found one thing to truly appreciate about each of them.

I taught Family and Consumer Sciences—what many of us of a “certain age” call Home Ec.—in an urban middle school where gang activity was common. Lockdowns weren't unusual. Many of my students carried burdens no child should have to carry.

One week they were excitedly picking out cartoon character fabric to sew pillows. The next, they were asking if they could stitch gang symbols onto those same pillows. They were caught somewhere between holding onto their innocence and trying to look tough enough to fit in with the older teens and young adults in their lives, who measured their “maturity” by how hardened they seemed.

It was glaring reminder that people are rarely just one thing.

Those first few weeks of every semester became an exercise in paying attention. Before I could make those phone calls, I had to genuinely look for something good in every student. Not something impressive. Not something extraordinary. Just something true.

It changed the way I saw them.

When you're intentionally searching for what is good in someone, it's surprisingly difficult to reduce them to the moments when they're at their worst. You begin to notice the small acts of kindness that would otherwise go unseen. The quiet resilience. The spark of humor. The kid who acts tough but instinctively holds the door for someone carrying a stack of books.

I didn't realize it then, but those students weren't the only ones being changed by the exercise.

I was, too.

What we look for has a way of shaping what we see.

That lesson has followed me long after I left the classroom. It's easy to let one frustrating interaction define a person. It's easy to notice what's loud, inconvenient, or disappointing. Our brains are wired to spot problems before possibilities. Maybe it’s an instinctual survival mechanism designed to keep us safe.

But what if we practiced looking for the good with the same determination? Not because people are perfect. Not because difficult behavior should be ignored. But because every person is more than the hardest part of their story.

I've started wondering if we rarely see the best in people because we aren't actually looking for it. And that question has quietly turned inward.

How often do I search for the good in myself with that same patience?

How often do I let one mistake, one awkward conversation, or one difficult season convince me that's the whole story?

If I could believe there was something worth finding in every seventh grader who walked into my classroom, maybe I can extend that same grace to myself. Maybe you can, too.

A Simple Practice for Your Week

This week, let’s actively train our minds to look for the hidden good. Try this simple shift in your daily routine:

• Pause and Pivot: Choose one person in your life right now whom you find difficult, or select a situation that is currently causing you frustration.

• Ask a New Question: Instead of letting your brain automatically tally up what is loud, inconvenient, or disappointing, pause for a moment. Ask yourself: "What is one good thing right here that I have been overlooking?"

• Extend it Inward: At the end of the day, look back at your own choices. Before you sleep, find one small thing you did well—even if it was just choosing to take a deep breath instead of reacting. Let that be enough.

You might be surprised by what you've been overlooking.

Next week, I'll tell you what happened after I made those phone calls—and why some of those conversations became unforgettable.

Until next time, let your inner light guide you,

Jessica

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. Who is someone in your life—past or present—who always made an effort to see the good in you? How did that change the way you saw yourself? Hit reply and let me know!