Finding Clarity in the Chaos
On the outside, I am a pillar of grace. A colleague complimented me on my patience, and I smiled, nodded, and accepted the praise.
On the inside, however, I was screaming.
The collision of anxiety and ego.
I had a coworker who lived in a perpetual state of "the sky is falling." She was a modern-day Chicken Little, constantly asking endless questions and searching for nonexistent holes in our systems. She acted as if she knew exactly how to fix things that weren't actually broken, wrapping her anxiety in a layer of authority.
It was a classic collision of anxiety and ego. I did my absolute best to respond with compassion, reminding myself that her constant questioning came from a place of fear that had nothing to do with me. But keeping up that patient exterior while my mind raced was exhausting.
How do I stop overthinking and find clarity in the chaos?
Lately, I have been pairing my morning coffee with two books: Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life (diving into the Tao Te Ching) and The Daily Stoic. As I dove into both, I found it interesting that each of these books highlighting ancient wisdom traditions open with the exact same hurdle: accepting what we cannot control.
The first verse of the Tao Te Ching invites us to "live the mystery." It is the art of letting the world unfold without constantly trying to figure it all out or label it. Meanwhile, in the first daily lesson of the Daily Stoic, Epictetus reminds me that our chief task is simply to separate what is under our control from what is not.
Our ego-mind desperately wants to control, predict, and fix everything to keep us safe. But when we constantly try to manage the external world, we end up buried under decision fatigue and endless overthinking.
Letting go is not passivity.
When we stop trying to fix things that aren't ours to carry, we do not become passive bystanders. Instead, we quiet the noise so we can actually hear our own intuition. We free up the emotional energy needed to make aligned decisions about the things we can change.
Wayne Dyer wrote, "Judge less and listen more." When I reflect on that colleague mentioned above through this lens, I realize it was never a battle of "me versus her." It was simply her wrestling with her own ego. It had nothing to do with me.
By stepping back from the urge to manage other's anxiety, we can return to our own inner authority and self-trust. We can move from asking, "What should I do to fix this person's anxiety?" to accepting them where they're at without feeling the need to fix anything.
By controling our own reaction, we are modeling the very thing they need--patience, peace, and uncommon calm in the storm. And the the truth is, sometimes the best thing we can do to make the world around us what we hope it will be is to show up with the kind of energy we'd like to see more of.
A Simple Practice for Intentional Living
This week, let's practice letting the mystery be. Here is a small way to reclaim your inner wisdom when the world feels chaotic.
Today, when you feel a wave of frustration or anxiety bubble up because of a person or a situation, pause. Do not try to fix it, explain it away, or control it. Instead soften your view:
- Just observe the feeling
- Look at the situation and your own reaction without judgment
- See the other person not as a threat to your peace, but simply as another human trying to figure life out
- Take a deep breath, consciously let it go, and allow things to unfold as they are
Trust yourself to handle whatever comes next, one breath at a time.
Until next time, let your inner light guide you,
Jessica
P.S. You know I love to hear from you! Think of a person in your life whose energy sets you on edge. How do you react to them? Do you feel yourself being sucked into their drama or have you found ways to be around them without being pulled into their vortex of anxiety and fear? What does that look like?
Hit reply and share your thoughts! I can't respond to every message, but I read all of them.
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